Is it my search to begin? How far should I go? How can I prepare her?


First, I would like to thank you for making this blog available. It has given me much to think about.

I think about my daughter’s first parents often and wish I knew more about their background so when the time came I would have the information to share with my daughter. I asked as many questions as I could and received very little information (from China) and have started researching how to search but my question is…is it my search to begin? How far should I go? With all of your experiences behind you, is there something more I should be doing? I know the time will come when she will grieve and want answers and my heart breaks knowing so little. I will be there for her and support her in any way I can. How can I prepare her?

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About Daniel Drennan ElAwar

Adoptee, rematriated.
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6 Responses to Is it my search to begin? How far should I go? How can I prepare her?

  1. Marion McMillan says:

    Once again Daniel, borne out of your life’s experience of separation from your family, your total honesty and integrity in reply to the question you were asked, brings TRUTH in all its purity. Alas alas,we who have been seared so deeply by the act of adoption, long for the day it will be banished to the annals of history, heralding in family preservation. Indeed the question would be, how long will it take the likes of the questioner here, to understand they have no right of passage to a child, what they do have, is the initiative to sponsor for 18 years, A FAMILY or a child within a FAMILY. The rewards of sponsoring are immeasurable, visits to the family from time to time,watching the family grow, or, watching the development of the sponsored child, can you imagine the joy that would bring, helping your fellow man enduring difficult circumstances leading to such poverty, indeed if it is a teenage single mum, not only would this action of sponsoring bring great support to the young mum, coupled with that support you become a mentor, enriching both lives. Adoption is ANCESTRIDE. Kinship care should be the first port of call if family needs to be separated, this keeps the family,s history genealogy.

  2. eagoodlife says:

    “I know the time will come when she will grieve” – when those who adopt do not have the understanding that adoptees grieve for their whole life not just at some time in the future, always in the future and usually not on their watch. Do they not understand or see, have they not learned anything from adoption? Yes it is the adoptee’s search, their journey and their challenge. Why would an adopter want to protect an adoptee from what is rightfully hers, however difficult?

    • Psychologically speaking, there must be a term for someone who feigns protecting someone when in fact they are protecting themselves [from truths they’d rather not face]. Projection? Inversion? Not sure. An extension of Salvation Syndrome though don’t you think?

    • eagoodlife says:

      Full blown I’d say Daniel. Just self-protection often does.

  3. Marion McMillan says:

    Hi Daniel, Wondering if you want to tune in and watch this on BBC World. Carol King-Eckersley stayed with us whilst in Scotland, you will see Carol, her sister, my husband and I, a journey of discovery whilst in Scotland, and her adoption journey, which is taking her to depth nevr before, I have been gently supporting her this last year. Trust you are well Daniel, ((((((Tartan Hugs))))) Marion

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