Adoption: Abide or die.


Over the years I’ve received much in the way of hateful missives, personal attacks, threats, libelous statements, etc. Some I reply to, some I ignore, some I seek legal counsel concerning.

After a recent uptick in such communication, I realized something about the nature and sublimated message of them, which perhaps serves as a “message” to other adoptees who might likewise stand up for their rights: “Abide or die”.

It is interesting that most of the messages focus on ingratitude. They assume a rupture with my adoptive parents. They express “good riddance” that I’ve returned, rematriated.

And so a few things become clear: “Salvation” comes with the expectation that it will not be critiqued. Our “rescue” obviates calling into question the motive of our “rescuers”.

I’m stating the obvious, I know. We’ve discussed it at great length, and obviously without reaching the audience that most needs to hear and understand.

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About Daniel Drennan ElAwar

Adoptee, rematriated.
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9 Responses to Adoption: Abide or die.

  1. Joan Driscoll says:

    Why don’t these people assume that your adoptive family is proud of you? If I were any part of your family I would be bursting with pride.

    • You’re too kind! I appreciate that immensely. I have to say it’s the most shocking aspect of the (let’s call it) negative feedback I receive. It reminds me of hyenas separating prey from its family or pack…

  2. teddy1975 says:

    I still have a bit of trouble with understanding what you intend to say with “Calvinist”. It is a word indicating a set of denominations and philosophies found on different continents and different centuries, so its meanings with little context vary quite a lot. Could you elaborate?

    • Sure. I mean the underpinnings of American Christianity, as it has meshed with capitalism. This meshing would allow an exploiting class to believe that they are an elect and an elite, and that those outside of this, the marginalized and the poor, the “non-elect”, must suffer in this lifetime for their pre-ordained fate.

  3. clair8y says:

    While I admire and wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment expressed in a previous comment regarding Daniel, I take exception to the use of the word ‘pride’. To some this may be taken as just nitpicking of the sentiment expressed and the person expressing it. I beg your patience as I attempt to clarify the semantics.
    Pride is the pleasure or satisfaction taken in something done by or belonging to another and believed to reflect credit upon ones self thus a high or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority in one’s own mind and displayed in bearing or conduct. In common vernacular pride is to puff one’s self up, or take credit, for the accomplishments of some one else.
    Pride, I believe, is rife in Adopterland. Best wishes.

    • Hmmm….I agree in Adopterland pride in us follows “salvation” of us, and explains the “let down” when we don’t perform as expected, and so seemingly “revert to sub-par DNA”….

      I didn’t read this in the particular post referenced, but a good point nonetheless….Thank you.

  4. Robyn says:

    It seems to me that haters and naysayers invariably come from one of two places: incomprehension and lack of desire to have any view changed; or fear. You can’t really help with either one, so shake it off. Keep telling your story and point of view because it’s needed.

    • I appreciate the words of support! But I don’t see this so much as individual reaction, as much as the channeling of a cultural/societal desire to destroy anything remotely Other. It’s not so easily “shake-off-able”, I don’t think….

  5. clair8y says:

    So sorry, I was referencing a previous response/comment, above ^, to this post (Adoption: Abide or Die) by Joan Driscoll – above ^. Where ‘pride’ and ‘family’ are put together twice.

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